Gift- May 20, 2009

(Inspired by Keturah Harmony and Octavia Butler's Parable of the Sower)

I use to wonder
how
they learned 
to be so cruel-
and calloused-
and cold.
How so much 
cunning
came to compose
their 
make-up
so 
young.
I wondered
what
harsh 
realities 
their 
innocent eyes
witnessed
that tainted their smiles
to hide
such envy,
and hate,
and lust,
and deceit.
How I managed to avoid
acquiring the 
skills for
formulating
such diabolical
methodical
strategies-
kept 
my youthful
immaturity
and niavete.
Why 
I still had love
wedged 
deeply inside
my ears
and trust 
within my muscles.
Why 
I 
Never
saw 
them 
coming
to hurt me-
for no other reason than
because
there
was
nothing
else
to 
do
and
what
I 
had 
to 
smile
about
anyways?
And since
I had so 
much
happines-
they wanted 
some too.
They 
wanted 
mine.
I 
probably looked
like
a sucker,
a sitting target,
all
smiling 
and loving-
arms wide open-
heart on my sleeve.
They wasnt use to my kind.
Thinking me weak becuase I cried,
real
tears.
They wasnt use to my kind.
People who still had
feelings.
Musta been
they was
dead
on the inside,
Zombie-like folks
they
was
use to.
Taught them how
to suck
the life
outta
bone marrow.
But,
Real Love Endures.
Just gets stronger  
over time-
tears 
provide
fertilizer
to
Grow
Wisdom.
Cause 
Love Carriers
are made
different,
special.
Shining Light,
exposing 
the Light-Snatcher's empty spaces-
insufficiences.
They see
all that 
happiness
the World
had Nothing
to do with
and cant figure
where
it
came 
from.
Or how
to put it out,
or 
put it on-
Makes
them 
Angry
cause 
it
aint fair.
And it aint.
But, it also aint
My fault.
I didnt ask for it-
was just born
this way
with it
inside
my Eyes,
till it seeps
out
my toenails back into the Earth.
You can smell it in my scalp.
I 
stopped
trying to figure it out.
Learned to
accept,
and protect
myself
from them
Soul-Snatchers, Joy-Stealers.
Who dont know
how
to love-
freely-
Cant give it
or receive it-
No matter how much JuJu, or Christianity, or Islam, or Hindu, or Ba'Hai, or Meditation they practice.
just
cant 
fake
this thang-
Either you got it
or you dont.
Use to think
I was 
cursed,
felt too much,
too deep,
too often-
Still cry for the children,
and the women,
and the men,
and the animals,
and the trees,
ALL GOD.
Cause somebody
has to Feel-
to protect,
to nurture.
Use to think
something
was wrong
with
me.
Me 
caring,
loving,
trusting,
trying
too much.
Then 
I realized-
I accepted
MY GIFT.
They the ones
with the problem.
Empty people
Dead on the inside
Searching for love
They cant 
Feel
Inside.